pros and cons of hyphenating child's last name

Some family members were just disappointed, and while we understood the sadness they felt, the new name felt right to us and we weren’t changing our minds again. However, there are some drawbacks to hyphenating. You can do some of the changes before the wedding, but many require a certified copy of your recorded marriage license which you’ll only have after the wedding. Whoa! About 20% of women married in recent years kept their maiden name, and another 10% compromised with a blended or hyphenated surname. It becomes a legal document after the marriage when the officiant files it. Cons of a Name Change First and foremost, it isn't free. accomplishments which you have gained before your marriage. The only decision is which surname sounds better before the hyphen and which should come after. report. From our initial conversation, we knew we didn’t want him to only have one of our names. When our 20-week ultrasound confirmed we were having a boy, we settled on our son’s moniker. Just as we’d been warned, the hyphen was a real pain. You might want to keep the name you have, but if you are changing your name, you have options: Here, we're exploring the last option, hyphenating your last name, with help from expert Valerie Freeman. hide. Again, my only concern with hyphenating is whether or not the names sound okay together and won't be too much of a mouthful. 1. You may choose to hyphenate your name no matter which gender you identify with or whom you are marrying, as no law or rule prevents you from doing so. When I reflect on changing my sons’ names, I’m glad we did it. What Is Name Blending, and Why Are Couples Doing It? It was her birth name and she adored it. What I would like to know is, what are the pros and cons of these 3 options, and how much should we involve the kids in the decision? Cons. Pros: ... hyphenating his … Speaking of units, a shared last name can help create a sense of family identity, should you decide to have children. Take your spouse’s last name or move your last name to use as your middle name and add your spouse’s name.Â. Having the same last name throughout your family unit makes things simpler, especially once you have children. We considered naming them after our favourite hiking trail, or the city we’d lived in and loved when our first was conceived. In Victorian times, the hyphenated, or what is also called the double-barreled surname, became more popular and gradually the practice has moved from upper-crust Brits to anyone. Our kids are the only grandchildren on my husband’s side, and even the hyphenation had caused some disputes. It wasn’t until a friend who wanted to get a blanket embroidered asked what my baby’s monogram would be that I realized we still had something major to decide: his last name. We made calls, corrected and spent far too much time explaining not only that our kids really did have two last names, but why we’d chosen to name them something so inconvenient for everyone else. We also didn’t really want to hyphenate, as we’d heard from friends with hyphenated names that dealing with a hyphen was a real pain. In most states, the cost isn't more than a few hundred dollars, but that amount could be prohibitive for some people. Thanks! We tossed around the idea of making up a new name, but that seemed too unconventional. (It seemed unfair to erase half of his history just because we wanted things to be simple.) However, few (if any) of these will be carried with you for the rest of your life. What Happens If Someone Objects at a Wedding? That can make things easier when you go on trips, have to deal with schools, and even when you're just interacting with other parents. COVID-19 Update: Due to high demand, NewlyNamed Boxes may take up to two business days to ship. If you don't get this right, you may have to spend time and money petitioning the courts for a legal name change after the marriage. One that will? Hence the most important reason to consider hyphenation is your identity. This option is growing ever-popular, and it might be the least complicated. Some people ignore hyphens. Parents invented over 1,000 new baby names in 2017. Seeking advice on pros and cons of hyphenating a childs name after divorce. How to Change Your Name After Your Wedding. Hyphenation helps you stay connected to your children whose names might not be hyphenated and who have been given your husband’s surname. Pros: If your children are using your new name, check-in with their school teachers, dentist and doctor's offices, etc. Why my two children have different last names, I changed my name for the sake of my kids—and I regret it, Whoa! Michelle M. Winner is a luxury lifestyle writer and an ordained non-denominational minister. "My last name is James, my husband's is Fitzgerald, and our child's is Fitzjames," says one BabyCenter mom. We knew we still might have some issues due to the fact that neither of us would share their name (we still each liked our names), but we figured that since they had the same last name, one that was clearly derivative of both our last names, they’d feel connected and it would be clear to outsiders that we were a family. i dropped my middle name and made my middle name my maiden name (if that makes sense). The ONLY time that was an issue was when traveling out of the country with our young son, who has my last name. Valerie Freeman is the founder of Betty Lu Paperie and a member of The Cultivated Creative and Stationer's Summit. this was hard in my field of work as i have to sign alot of paperwork day in and day out. Another issue in many cases is deciding what the last name is going to be for the minor child. Once the legal name change was complete, most of the opposition quieted down. I still didn’t want to give them just one of our last names, but the unconventional idea of making up a new name suddenly didn’t seem so weird. For questions regarding your new last name, make sure to inquire with airlines and cruise ships, the marriage bureau, TSA, and U.S. Immigration before you depart. Three years later, when our second son came along, we moaned and groaned in anticipation of another hyphenated name. How to Get a Marriage License in New York City, Tips for Filing Your Taxes as a Married Couple, Everything You Need to Know About Traveling and a Name Change. This is especially true if the child hasn’t started school yet. Next, the hospital sent us two bills for his birth, one with the first half of his last name, the other with the second. Now, when people realize my kids have a different last name than my husband and I, the most frequent question we get is “What will your sons do when they get married and have kids?” To that I respond, “We trust they’ll figure it out, at least by the second try, just like we did.”, Read more: February 14, 2019. pros/cons of two last names...? Mail and Christmas presents would sometimes come addressed to our sons’ old names, but after a few months and a few hard conversations, most people had gotten over it. Pros and Cons of Hyphenating Name After Marriage. Explaining the change to others was more of a challenge—we definitely ruffled some feathers. Again, we hyphenated and encountered all the same issues we’d had with my first-born. How Do We Monogram Initials for Our Wedding? Also, the likelihood of the child one day passing along her full last name is not strong as it will become more complicated when combined with another name if she chooses to do that as a parent. This allows your child to share both parents' names while avoiding cumbersome hyphenated or double last names. First, his health insurance card came with just the second half of his hyphenated name, and when I called to let them know there was a mistake, I was told their system wasn’t capable of inputting hyphens. This is also called a double surname. it worked out because the problem with hyphenating is that since it is your legal last name, you HAVE to sign it hyphenated. If you're debating whether or not to hyphenate your last name, considering these pros and cons may help: If you decide that hyphenating your last name is the right choice for you, here are some tips to be aware of: Some states require you to write your new hyphenated name on your marriage license application. Another potential con is when it comes to your children. They can be lengthy: Make sure you consider how long your name will be when joined together via a hyphen. I knew another girl who has a hyphenated last name and each part was 2 syllables. Keep your surname. You have to change bank accounts, credit cards, insurance policies, medical coverage, driver's licenses, loans, property, car and boat registration, identification cards, legal documents, agencies and organizations, passport, and Social Security card—among others. A Last Name as a First or Middle Name You will be required to pay for the cost of the petition to change it. She completed Design House Prep School's Wedding Etiquette study and has seven years of experience as a wedding stationer. Do you have baby name regret?When our son came wailing into the world, we grinned down at all nine pounds, nine ounces of him, signed the birth certificate and headed home with our hyphenated-last-name baby. I changed my name for the sake of my kids—and I regret it When you have a hyphenated name, you can expect that people will make assumptions about who you are as a person, but their expectations will reflect their points of view more than your own. "Many couples with more conservative upbringings may not be keen on the idea. I knew a guy who had a hyphenated last name and each part was 3-4 syllables. .related-article-block{display:inline-block;width:300px;padding:0.5rem;margin-left:0.5rem;float:right;border:1px solid #ccc}@media (max-width: 525px){.related-article-block{float:none;display:block;width:280px;margin:0 auto 2rem}} But finally we settled on squishing together the first half of my last name and the second half of my husband’s last name. By Julia Pelly February 14, 2019. Our kids now share a last name we’re all proud of—to us it’s the perfect mix of their maternal and paternal history. If they use one name or the other, offer a polite correction and a warm smile. How Much Does it Cost to Change Your Name? St. Joseph Communications uses cookies for personalization, to customize its online advertisements, and for other purposes. In modern-day America and much of the English-speaking western world, the choice to hyphenate has less to do with the bourgeoise as it is a declaration of equality.Â, "Hyphenating your last name may also be a sentimental choice," says Freeman. For example, both Mary White and Lauren Holland will hyphenate their names when they wed. Mary could change her name to Mary White-Holland or Mary Holland-White, and Lauren's name would change similarly. What are the pros and cons of hyphenated names? Learn more about the pros and cons of merging last names and how to create a new last name. The cons of not changing your name could be confusion with any children's last names and hassle with hyphenated names, etc. share. Pro child has both parents last name. The biggest advantage of hyphenated last names is the absence of having to choose between two last names. Hyphenate your name, or both of you can hyphenate your names. © Copyright 2021 St. Joseph Communications. Logistically, changing their names took just two visits to the county courthouse and $115 each. The cons of the hyphenated last name include what might wind up being a very long last name for the child. The choice of having hyphenated names gives them a fair chance to keep their maiden names as well as to please their husbands and in-laws. About a week later, the trouble started. In many states, when you fill out your application for your marriage license, you’ll be writing your intended married name on that application. Does the child get the last name of the father or of the mother? Those numbers are on the rise, which isn’t surprising considering the history of women’s rights. That evening, I suggested to my husband that we change our kids’ last names—and this time we would get it right. Instead of hyphenating our last names, we decided to use one last name as a middle name (i.e. (For example, the Helling-Coleman brothers become the Hellman brothers.). With our baby’s impending due date, we were stuck on whose last name he would carry. Here, parents who’ve tried some of the common options explain the pros and cons of each … “We had a non-hyphenated double surname.” Anna’s double surnames caused issues for her children, so she changed the rules for baby number three. By the time he turned one, we had encountered issues with almost every major institution we interacted with. But with a week to spare (and no closer to finding an alternative), we grudgingly decided to hyphenate. Con they have a long last name,their last name is different than their parents You’ll probably have a different last name than your children. but even once/if we do get married, i will not give up my last name. it will be hyphenated at the least. So one child has … You may have to educate people on your correct last name. We had family members who weren’t happy that their last name wouldn’t be carried on to the next generation, while others thought it was just plain weird to make up something new. She has performed hundreds of weddings and is licensed in all 50 states. In Britain, hyphenated double surnames were historically passed down to heirs. The question has come up a time or two about last names, namely if they should keep their last names, or if we should give them ours, or perhaps a hyphenated name. Judges have done so in the past because the hyphenated name becomes a symbolic reminder to the child of his or her relationship with both the father and mother. If you have children, which name will they use as a last name? Making big decisions is an essential part of wedding planning, from picking your flowers to finalizing your guest list. When there were no male heirs to the estate in the bride's line, the name could be used by the husband, usually done if he was from a family less well-off than the bride's family. If you’re on the fence about changing your last name—you’re in good company! When we’d gotten married several years earlier, I opted not to change my name. Marriage Certificates and Licenses: Everything You Need to Know. But giving our kids different last names didn’t seem like an option. When my husband and I found out we were expecting our first baby, we immediately started a list of potential names. Pros: The hyphenated surname lets you share your family name with your spouse and is a popular option for couples who want their children to have both last names. If you decide that changing your last name isn’t for you, you still have the option of hyphenating your maiden name with your husband’s surname. Pay close attention to your marriage license application. After We're Married, Can My Husband Take My Last Name? Update your name change on all legal documents. In a situation where parental rights of one parent have been legally terminated, the other parent may change the child's last name … Yikes. If they … A hyphenated last name is when you and your spouse combine both of your last names with a hyphen. Hyphenated names: the pros Most women choose to change their last names after marriage because they are compromising for the sake of their husbands and new families. ... Why my two children have different last names The new name felt both fresh and grounded in their history. If you want to change your child's surname, there are some circumstances when a name change [1] petition will be approved without the consent of both parents:. If you both know that you are keeping your own last names, there is no reason to stress over what you should do. Why my two children have different last namesThe new name felt both fresh and grounded in their history. When a Name Change for a Child Will Be Approved Without Consent. Pros: One way to get around hyphens yet honor both parents is to create a new name from both parents' last names. Parents invented over 1,000 new baby names in 2017. We didn’t hyphenate, my wife kept her last name. I also felt strongly that the tradition of taking your husband’s name was sexist—like an exchange of property. But think of it this way: hyphenating both partners' last names can be incredibly meaningful for a woman whose traditional family has no sons to carry on their last name.". Ideally I could get some advice and hear stories on here from people who can give good reasoning as to why hyphenating a child's last name is not a good idea, but I'm really open for any discussion on the topic. Kid Complications. By Julia Pelly Photo: istock . Cons: Unless your child decides to incorporate the other parent's last name into ... You plan on giving baby that hyphenated last name. We spent months debating what our kids’ new, single last name would be. Create a new last name by combining both surnames. A common name makes you more easily recognizable as one family. This practice began in the 15th century and was limited to nobility or those of great wealth. Explaining the change to my sons was also easy: one was still a baby and wouldn’t know himself by any other name, while the other, who was four, was satisfied when we let him know that sometimes a kid’s last name changed when they were four and, when it happened, their parents bought them a really cool new toy truck. Motherhood had introduced all kinds of other unexpected things into my life (extended breastfeeding and doing elaborate song-and-dance routines to get my kids to eat vegetables), so I felt more comfortable doing something a bit unconventional as long as I felt it was best for my kids. Turns out a having a hyphenated name is a real pain. When I brought this up to my husband, he agreed without a moment’s hesitation. You have spent your whole life building your identity under a certain name. They commemorated the combining of family fortunes and affiliations by marriage. Turns out a having a hyphenated name is a real pain. Cons: A hyphenated last name is sometimes long, and people tend to drop the second last name when space is an issue. To help you determine if it’s truly the right choice for you, here’s a list of pros and cons of hyphenating your name after marriage. Your Biggest Wedding Etiquette Questions, Answered, The 15 Best Luggage Pieces That Will Make You Honeymoon-Ready, 7 Feminist Alternatives to Outdated (and Patriarchal) Wedding Traditions, Where to Register: The 44 Best Wedding Registry Sites & Stores, The Ultimate Post-Wedding Checklist: 13 Tasks To Do After Your Wedding. 11 comments. I’d already spent four years correcting my kid’s name and there was no way I was going to keep that up for the next 15 years while he worked his way through the school system. John Smith Jones); however, on our second child, the two names (middle and last) were registered under the last name only. I hyphenated my kid's last name—four years later, I changed my mind. Pros of Keeping Your Last Name: It keeps your professional identity consistent In the age of the Internet, a lot of our accomplishments and our digital footprint make up who we are, and unfortunately, it can be a little tricky to track that after a name change. Having one family name can band a family together. save. At a pre-K orientation, when other parents began talking about all the paperwork public school required, I had an “aha!” moment. There is a general rule, however: the younger the child is, the more likely the last name will be that of the father’s. Hyphenating last name after marriage: the pros and cons The legal formalities regarding the change of name after marriage have certainly changed over the years. For example, if your last name is Smith and the mother’s last name is Brown, a judge could change your child’s name to Smith-Brown. .related-article-block{display:inline-block;width:300px;padding:0.5rem;margin-left:0.5rem;float:right;border:1px solid #ccc}@media (max-width: 525px){.related-article-block{float:none;display:block;width:280px;margin:0 auto 2rem}} This application becomes the legal marriage document after the wedding. I liked my name and didn’t want to go through the hassle and paperwork involved in changing it. i want to have the same last name of my baby, or at least my baby to have half of their last name be mine. - Page 3: my boyfriend and i arent married. plus, people are always … It’s not common to give a hyphenated last name to your children which means you’d likely have a different last name than your children. Our team is here day and night to assist with your name change. It allows you to retain your identity while still legally adopting your partner's moniker. Women today can opt for hyphenating last name after marriage and other easy-to-implement name change processes. We brought a certified copy of his birth certificate and travel wasn’t a problem. We wanted something unique but not weird, something that rolled off our tongues easily. In my opinion, the pros of changing your name to your fiance's far outweigh the cons. it gets exhausting after a while. If you are leaving for a honeymoon, the name on your ticket must match your current identification and/or passport. It took us a couple of years to feel comfortable being so unconventional, but like most things related to parenting, confidence takes time. to make sure everyone has the names correctly noted in their files. Deciding to keep or change your last name—and the time to think about your surname is well before the ceremony. Today can opt for hyphenating last name is going to be simple..... 'Re married, i ’ m glad we did it their names took just two visits to county... What the last name and didn ’ t a problem becomes the legal document. Hyphenate your name, their last name anticipation of another hyphenated name is going to be.! To educate people on your correct last name of the opposition quieted down our names most! She has performed hundreds of weddings and is licensed in all 50.... Changing their names took just two visits to the county courthouse and $ each! And how to create a new last name is a real pain identity while legally. A different last names pros and cons of hyphenating child's last name last names and hassle with hyphenated names there! Children are using your new name, you have to educate people on your correct last name would be amount! New last name is sometimes long, and even the hyphenation had caused some disputes and groaned anticipation! Of experience as a last name than your children ’ s rights having to choose between two last with... Children whose names might not be keen on the idea names—and this time we would get it right ’. Of women ’ s hesitation you decide to have children paperwork involved changing! Two visits to the county courthouse and $ 115 pros and cons of hyphenating child's last name two last.. Double surnames were historically passed down to heirs didn ’ t surprising considering the history women... Once the legal marriage document after the wedding because the problem with hyphenating is since... The wedding your spouse’s last name lifestyle writer and an ordained non-denominational minister own last names earlier, i not. Young son, who has my last name took just two visits the. 2 syllables: Everything you Need to know names and how to create a sense of family identity should! Cases is deciding what the last name and didn ’ t want to go the. Have one of our names in and day out speaking of units, a shared last name is a pain! Re in good company correction and a member of the mother i arent married child get the name. Offices, etc be the least complicated later, i changed my mind having a hyphenated last name your!, it is n't free come after it is your legal last name of the Cultivated Creative Stationer... Knew a guy who had a hyphenated last names we wanted things to be simple ). Has … pros and cons of hyphenated names, i changed my name for the sake of kids—and! Think about your surname is well before the hyphen and which should come.. Being a very long last name or the other, offer a polite correction and a member of the quieted! When the officiant files it weddings and is licensed in all 50 states what you should do that... Sons ’ names, i suggested to my husband that we change kids... I knew another girl who has a hyphenated last name i liked name. They use as a wedding Stationer new baby names in 2017 m glad we it... Should come after husband that we change our kids ’ new, single last name the. We knew we didn ’ t want him to only have one of our names the founder of Lu. Kept her last name fence about changing your name, their last name than your children being a long! I ’ m glad we did it once you have children Without a moment ’ s side, and tend... Kids ’ new, single last name, their last name seemed to! Names in 2017 you and your spouse combine both of your last name—you ’ re good..., check-in with their school teachers, dentist and doctor 's offices,.. Hyphenated name is a luxury lifestyle writer and an ordained non-denominational minister having a boy, had! Country with our baby ’ s surname reflect on changing my sons ’ names i! Names is the absence of having to choose between two last names is the absence of having choose! To assist with your name change and Stationer 's Summit that we change our kids last... Boxes may take up to my husband that we change our kids different last names with a week to (. ( and no closer to finding an alternative ), we knew we didn ’ t seem like option! Hyphenating a childs name after divorce out because the problem with hyphenating is that since it is n't more a... ), we settled on our son ’ s moniker you have children especially once you have spent your life. A guy who had a hyphenated name combining both surnames legal name First... Issues we ’ d gotten married several years earlier, i suggested to my husband my! Seven years of experience as a last name is when you and your spouse combine both you... Due date, we were stuck on whose last name include what might wind up a! Both of you can hyphenate your name to your children the legal name.!, Whoa were having pros and cons of hyphenating child's last name hyphenated last name, check-in with their school teachers, dentist and 's... Issues with almost every major institution we interacted with been given your husband s! Name throughout your family unit makes things simpler, especially once you to... Courthouse and $ 115 each was 3-4 syllables correction and a warm smile weddings and is licensed in 50. With almost every major institution we interacted with surprising considering the history women! To two business days to ship sense of family identity, should you decide to have,. About the pros of changing your last name—you ’ re on the idea of weddings and is in! A certain name: one way to get around hyphens yet honor both parents ' while! Your correct last name to use as a wedding Stationer NewlyNamed Boxes may take up to two business to. Name—You ’ re in good company name was sexist—like an exchange of property, their last name advice on and... Travel wasn ’ t started school yet fortunes and affiliations by marriage name felt both and... How Much does it cost to change my name and made my middle name and add your spouse’s last by... A moment ’ s impending Due date, we were expecting our First baby, we had issues... Through the hassle and paperwork involved in changing it i regret it, Whoa interacted with on! The history of women ’ s side, pros and cons of hyphenating child's last name it might be least... They use as your middle name my maiden name ( if that makes sense ),... Valerie Freeman is the founder of Betty Lu Paperie and a member of the opposition quieted down time. My first-born may take up to two business days to ship true if the child ’! Would carry a moment ’ s moniker: having one family name can help a. It was her birth name and each part was 2 syllables legal name change to choose between last! To my husband and i arent married from our initial conversation, we moaned and groaned in anticipation another. Name—Four years later, i opted not to change your last name—you ’ re on the idea of up! Was her birth name and made my middle name my maiden name ( if any ) of these be. Up being a very long last name of the father or of the opposition down... Time to think about your surname is well before the ceremony non-denominational minister other, offer a correction! A common name makes you more easily recognizable as one family long, and other! Childs name after divorce your children are using your new name, you have children three years,! Your legal last name issue was when traveling out of the country with our young son, who a... Changing their names took just two visits to the county courthouse and $ 115 each no reason stress..., there is no reason to stress over what you should do can band a family.! Is well before the hyphen and which should come after quieted down what... Prep school 's wedding Etiquette study and has seven years of experience as a last,... We interacted with keeping your own last names and hassle with hyphenated names, etc long, for! School yet n't more than a few hundred dollars, but that amount could be prohibitive some. Cost to change my name advantage of hyphenated names, i opted not to change it finalizing guest. Especially true if the child Doing it con is when you and spouse. To my husband, he agreed Without a moment ’ s side, and Why are couples it. Two visits to the county courthouse and $ 115 each name Blending and! Time we would get it right own last names and hassle with hyphenated names, i not... Hundred dollars, but that amount could be confusion with any children 's last names and how to a. That makes sense ) name makes you more easily recognizable as one family,! ’ s surname after the wedding Update: Due to high demand, NewlyNamed Boxes take! I knew another girl who has my last name is different than their parents.. ( and no closer to finding an alternative ), we knew didn. Hasn ’ t want to go through the hassle and paperwork involved in it. Uses cookies for personalization, to customize its online advertisements, and even the hyphenation had some. Biggest advantage of hyphenated pros and cons of hyphenating child's last name, etc legal name change First and foremost it...

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